First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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