watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I have post one night stand depression
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