God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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