is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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