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well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
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