I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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