im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Randomize