I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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