it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
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The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
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You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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