I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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