I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
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I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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