i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize