After last night, I could never be a politician.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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