I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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