Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize