I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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