I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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