I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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