I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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