'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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