I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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