i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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