God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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