Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize