yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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