Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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