i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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