I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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