i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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