I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You did what with his pubic hair?
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