remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Acid is not a monday night drug
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize