i don't like sucking hair
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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