We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
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as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
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They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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