you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
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And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
there is glitter all over my balls
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