when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
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Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
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Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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