i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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