I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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