So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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