my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
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she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
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Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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