bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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