And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Semen is not good for contacts.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
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you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
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Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize