Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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