Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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