currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have feelings that need drinking.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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