Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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