I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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