You surviving the open bar?
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i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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