Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
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You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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