Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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