I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize